Chapter 13: Depression

“If you can’t do it, I’ll do it for you.” Alphonse Elric was irritated and it was very evident in his voice.

“I didn’t say I couldn’t do it,” Alfons Heiderich snapped back, not turning around to look at the younger blond.

“Do you intend to do it today?” Al asked and Alfons’ shoulders twitched.

“I’ll do it when I’m ready,” he almost snarled back. “You’re an impatient brat!”

“We’ve been out here an hour. You’re scared.”

“I am not.”

“Are too.”

“Why don’t you just go home?” Alfons asked desperately.

“This is home, you idiot!” Al shook his head and pointed at the door. “Get in there before I drag you in there!”

“I’m scared.”

“I know that. Ignore it and walk, Alfons!”

“You’re a heartless kid, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yes.” Al took a deep breath and placed his hands square in the middle of Alfons’ back. “Walk or push. Your choice.” He pushed forward slightly and Alfons had to step forward or fall flat on his face.

“Alright, alright. I’m walking,” Alfons grumbled and took the next few steps. He stopped and sighed. “You can stop pushing now, Al.”

“Not until you get in there and the door is closed behind you,” Al said firmly and Alfons could have sworn Al was smiling.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he accused.

“Yes.” Al’s smile was evident in his voice. “We’re nearly there. There’s nothing to be scared of. I swear, you’re worse than my brother sometimes.”

They both stopped and Alfons felt Al’s hands tighten on the back of his jacket. The smile was gone. Alfons knew that without turning. He took a step back and felt Al right behind him. He was not surprised when Al’s head suddenly pressed against his shoulder.

“One day you’ll find a way to get back, Al,” Alfons said softly and he felt the slight shuddering as Al took a deep breath. “I know you miss him and I know he’s missing you.”

“He’d better be.” Al’s voice was muffled against Alfons’ jacket.

“Of course he is. He’s your brother.” Alfons waited a moment and then spoke again. “Push me Al.”

“What?”

“Push me. Push me through that door. Let’s go do this.”

Al was silent for a long minute. “Anyone would think you’re having all your teeth out if you phrase it like that.”

“It feels like it,,” Alfons muttered under his breath.

“It’s a judgment on me I think. To have to be with people who are scared at the silliest things.” Al suddenly spoke louder and straightened up.

“It’s not a silly thing” Alfons protested, even as he heard the smile returning to Al’s voice.

“You know she’s going to say yes, so just get in there and propose,” and Al pushed. Alfons wasn’t prepared for it and stumbled forward, tripping on the step and colliding with the front door.

“Just like Ed,” Al muttered with a smile.

Ed stared at his brother’s name. Carved in the marble, elegant and simple. They’d put the military insignia on his own headstone, but they’d left Al’s bare and for that he was grateful. He’d been the one on the leash. He didn’t want anyone to think Al had been restrained as well. Al didn’t deserve that stigma. Al was his brother, they had written that there. It was all he wanted to be there. He could have wished for his to have been this simple. His tie to Al being the only one he wanted to acknowledge.

He sighed and stood up, walking forward to butt his head gently against the cold marble headstone. I know you’re not here, Al. I know you’re not even human anymore but you are, you will always be my brother. I don’t think there’s any way to return you back to what you were, but there has to be something I can do. I have to find you, to see what you’ve become. I have to trust that you will remember me, that you’ll know who I am. I love you Brother. Envy’s with you, I know he can’t stay hidden. Something will happen and when it does, I will find you. Even if I have to drag the stupid bastard with me, I will find you and we’ll find a way to fix this. There has to be something. I will not accept that it’s going to be like this forever. There has to be a way out of this. For you and for me.

Roy watched the small cat as it leant its head against the stone. It hadn’t left his side throughout the whole service and he wondered what it was thinking. How much did he understand of what was going on? He probably understands more than I. Al’s cat. I hope he knew how devoted you were to him. Did Ed know about you? I’m never going to know, am I? So hard to believe, to accept. Roy looked at the engraved name on the headstone. No more kicking my door down, no more stomping footsteps, no more dents on my desk from that hand of yours. No more insults. Who will call me a bastard now you’re not here? Stubborn brat, always having to do everything on your own. I thought we’d reached an understanding. Who’s going to keep me going now? I’ve never been able to say goodbye and I can’t say it now. Damn you Ed, why didn’t you come to me?

Roy stared at the headstones, not really seeing them. There was an aching feel behind his empty eye socket and there was a line of remembered moisture chilling on his cheek. Somehow he was breathing and remaining upright. Numb. He was numb. All the tears and guilt from the nights before were tucked away behind the numbness that engulfed him.

There’s no-one left now. I can break down, I can fall apart. There’s no one to see. “You’d like that, Ed, wouldn’t you? I could say all the things I never said when you were alive. You could see me as the miserable excuse that I am. That you always saw me as. Even that moment when I thought we finally understood each other, you’d ignore it right now, wouldn't you, like you ignored so many things.”

Ed kept his head against the cool marble and listened as Mustang began to speak. The voice was quiet, almost empty and Edward’s ears twitched. He knew that tone of voice. It was the voice you used when you looked at yourself and decided how broken you were. It was the voice you used when you thought you were being honest with yourself. It was the voice you used when you found the reasons why you should be completely hated and pitied. It was the voice of lies, lies so false they became truth.

“Are you happy knowing that I still can’t ignore you? That even now, I’m having to lie and cover up for you? Cover up for both of us. Which of us is the biggest sinner here, Ed? Your fifty dead against my hundreds? What you attempted and I couldn’t? You saw all your dreams work out, even if it was only briefly. Mine are all ashes, just like everything else in my life. I’m left with nothing but ashes. It’s all so damned pointless in the end, isn’t it.”

Roy looked up at the sky and then back down to the headstone. “It ends here for you. The rest of us have to keep going. I think I hate you for that. Do you expect me to do what you should be here doing? Seeking revenge? Finding out who did this? To be honest, Edward, I can’t be bothered. Because right now I don’t think there’s anything that really means much to me.”

Ed turned around and looked at the pale man. He didn’t think Roy was aware of him anymore. He was staring fixedly at the headstone but it was a blank stare. He wasn’t seeing what he was looking at. Ed thought he should be offended at what Roy was saying, but he recognised it all too well. He had felt similar after Nina had died. It was that sort of feeling that had led him to handing his watch back. Until he had begun to think straight again. He wondered how long Roy would take and then wondered when the bastard had become Roy. He shrugged that thought aside for now. There would be time for that later. Right now he was unsure what he should do.

There wasn’t much he could do, not as he was now. He looked at the dirt and wondered if he should start scratching out his name. He idly drew a line in front of him. ‘Hey Roy, I’m not dead, I’m a cat, it’s a long story, tell you when we get home.’ He frowned. Could he, should he do that? He looked back at Roy. How would he react? Especially when he realised Edward had been with him all this time. Edward let his breath out. He didn’t know what to do.

Half of him wanted to say something, the other half didn’t. He was comfortably placed to hear and see everything but if they knew he was here, would they tell him more? As far as he could see, he already knew everything they did. Probably more, as he also had his kitchen gossip source. And what would they do if he told them any of that? The phones were already tapped. The surveillance would continue, even Ed could see that. Cresson was planning to take over, of course he was going to keep looking at Roy and his crew. But he could warn them, he could let them know what was going on. And then what would they do? Could they even do anything? And did he want them to know he was here? What would happen if one of them let it slip? He was going to have to let them know at some time. Should he do it now, or wait until later?

What would happen when Envy and Al reappeared? They’d have to come out of wherever they were at some point. Envy especially. From what he remembered, the Sin had had a shorter temper than even he had had. Envy was not going to be happy with what had happened and he would certainly do something about it. And Cresson had been a confidante of Fuhrer Bradley. How deep had the ties been between Envy and Pride? Cresson wouldn’t know about the homunculi, Envy would’ve worn a different face. He could’ve been anyone. If Envy came back to Central and got in touch with Cresson…and he had Al with him. Nightmare didn’t begin to cover what that would be. Ed dropped his head. How could he even begin to explain this to them? By the time he finished, even his automail claws would’ve worn down. And would they believe him? The bastard might. He had fought Pride and he must’ve seen something. He swallowed. Then there was Teacher. His fur rose at that thought.

Footsteps had him looking up. Roy was walking away, moving between the headstones but not towards the gate. Ed frowned and began to follow. He stopped and looked back at his brother’s engraved name. He went back and reached up to leave a paw mark beside it. I know you’re not here, Al, but I am, okay? If you ever see this… well, you won’t know what it means, but I will. No matter what, I love you Brother.

He turned around and looked for Mustang and caught sight of the tall figure. He hadn’t gone too far and Ed scampered easily to catch up with him. He stayed behind him as the man began to slow and Ed could almost feel the feel the reluctance surrounding Mustang.

Roy came to a stop in front of another marble headstone and his jaw worked silently for a moment before he took a deep breath.

“It’s been a while, old friend.” Ed looked at the headstone and froze. Maes Hughes. “Quite a bit has happened since I saw you last.”

Ed stared at the engraved name and his claws dug into the grass. Hughes. The Colonel had covered it up, had not told them about the man’s death; had let them think he was alive and well. Ever since he had fallen into Hughes’ arm when he had tumbled from that train roof, he had trusted him. Even as he had protested at the never-ending photos and cheerfully insulted everything the man had ever done, he had known that behind that frivolous manner there had been a mind sharper than his own. And it had been that mind that had led him somewhere he should never have gone. It had led him to a lonely death.

I should never have told you about the homunculi, I should never have said anything. It’s all my fault that you died. Dammit, why did you have to die? It’s not fair. You were more than a friend. I trusted you.

“How do I tell you this, Maes? How do I tell you they’re gone? You watched over them just as much as I did. We saw them grow up. Only you will know if they grow any further. Only you can watch over them now. They trusted you more than me. I failed you, I failed them.”

Stupid idiot. We were going to come back and see you. We had to come back to thank Mrs Hughes for that pie. You were supposed to be there as well. You, Elysia…dammit Hughes! You were our family!

“Everything we worked for, all those sacrifices. It’s all gone. There’s nothing left. I can’t even make your death mean anything now. It’s all so empty and pointless, this… nothingness now. There’s no purpose any more, Maes. I know there are games being played, I can sense it, but I really don’t care now. I should be trying to protect Riza and the others now, but…what if I fail them too, Maes? How many more people will I let die?”

It’s not fair, Hughes. You should be here. Roy needs you. They all need you. But Roy…he really needs you. Dammit, I’d be clapping myself stupid right now if I knew I could bring you back to help him. Fuck. I never learn,do I Hughes?

“I see you, Maes. Every night I see you. Every night I… With perfect eyes, I see you and I… I see them too. And every time I see you and them and all those… all those… dammit Maes! You said you’d always be here! They’re dead, Maes! You’re dead, and I have nothing to show for any of it!”

The anger that flared briefly in Roy died even quicker, swamped under regret and guilt. He stared at the headstone, shoulders slumping slightly. The accusations that were hurled at him in his nightmares were loud in his head. He saw their faces projected onto the cold marble, staring and pointing at him as he stood there. He lifted his gloved hand, fingers poised to snap. His hand shook. There was an aching pressure behind his eyes and his hand shook. His gloves were plain white and his hand shook. He closed his eye and he still saw them and he saw his hand raised, this time encased in his arrayed glove. His hand still shook and he couldn’t make his fingers snap.

Ed frowned and looked around at Roy. He had stopped speaking and stood there, arm outstretched, his eye closed and he was shaking. His face was pale and his breathing had quickened. The frown that crossed that white face looked pained and the shaking increased. The thin lips parted and Ed could hear Roy’s breathing becoming uneven. Ed had seen Roy in this pose many times. He had been the target of his flame on most of those occasions. And always the look on Roy’s face had been one of pure pleasure and enjoyment. Whether because he had been aiming at Ed or from the joy of his craft, Ed didn’t know, but Ed had always seen an expression of relaxed exultation on that face. Roy Mustang, in those moments had been the most beautiful creature of alchemy personified.

And Ed only realised that now as he saw the opposite. This was the face that Roy wore in his nightmares, this was the face in that split second before he awoke and went to vomit every night. Hurting and tormented, betrayed by the very thing that was his greatest gift. He looked from the face that began to show more and more of Roy’s inner strain to the fingers that shook and didn’t snap. Now he knew how Mustang had looked in Ishbal. Now he knew what his own face would have been had he laid his hands on that array in Lab Five. The nightmares had come out into the open and Roy was struggling with his as Ed watched.

He turned around and began to scratch at the marble slab. He dug his automail claw into the stone and dragged it down, frowning at the thin line. It was barely noticeable and he tried again. A white line on white marble. He could just see it and as he dug his claw deeper, he wondered how he could make it clearer. He looked up at Roy. The man was still shaking. Ed miaowed loudly trying to get his attention and scratched again.

This would have been much easier at my grave, bastard. There’s loose soil there, not fucking stone! Ed cursed as he tried again. Neither marble nor man was responding properly. Despite his misgivings about revealing himself, he couldn’t think of anything else to do at the moment. He miaowed yet again and was startled when Roy suddenly dropped to his knees.

“I can’t…I …can’t…” Ed’s ears perked at the soft words and he turned from the marble slab. Roy was staring at his gloved hands as if he had never seen them before. Ed frowned. There was a strange expression on Roy’s face and it made him uneasy. “No more. Never again.” Ed tilted his head, and tentatively miaowed. The dark eye focused on him and he saw the watery sheen overlaying that desolate gaze. “No more, little one. I won’t kill them any more.”

With a sharp movement, Roy pulled the gloves from his hands. He let them fall on the ground in front of him and as the water in his eye finally overflowed, it began to rain.

Al grinned as he stood by the bookcase and watched Alfons and Noa dancing around the small parlour to the music from the radio. They were smiling at each other and seemed reluctant to let go of each other for even for the briefest moments of the dance.

“They look very happy, Al.” Gracia spoke from beside him and Al’s grin widened. He had invited her here to celebrate Noa and Alfons’ engagement.

“Yes.” He turned to her. “Thank you for the flowers. Noa has been wearing them in her hair ever since Alfons gave them to her.”

Gracia smiled. “I recognised them. I am so glad to see them so happy. They will do well together.”

“And it will be your turn next?” Al asked slyly and Gracia blushed as she frowned at him.

“Shush Alphonse!” se said sternly, but not sternly enough and they both ended up smiling before looking across to where an out of uniform Officer Hughes was talking to Hohenheim. Al had also invited him to this small gathering. These five people were his family now.

“You’re not going to say you don’t like him, are you Gracia?” Al asked softly. “I mean, he follows you just about everywhere lately. He really does like you.”

“I know and I like him too, Al.” Gracia’s smile was gentle. “There’s no hurry for these matters.”

“Given how slow he is, it’s good that you feel like that, Gracia,” Al remarked. “I would’ve thought you would’ve gone to dinner at last once by now.”

Gracia laughed. “It will happen.” And she pointed at him. “And no interfering either, Alphonse. You stay right out of it.”

“Gracia, I wouldn’t do that,” Al protested weakly and falsely, having already had devised several plans to get them to go out together. Gracia laughed again.

“Liar.” She put her hand on his arm. “I don’t need it to go any faster than it is.”

“Gracia, you’re like my family now. I just want you to be happy.”

“I know. I know you want me…us to be happy and I am happy, Al. I know you care and I thank you for that. You’re my family too.”

Hohenheim watched as Gracia hugged his son and smiled as he saw the man beside him stiffen.

“Fraulein Gracia looks particularly lovely this evening,” he said easily and felt the sharp glance from those almost yellow eyes.

“Yes she is.” Hughes spoke abruptly, a line of pink across his face.

“She gets on so well with Al. She’s become like a mother to him,” Hohenheim continued, his eyes still looking at Al and his voice deliberately casual. He felt Officer Hughes tense up further and managed to keep his smile hidden. “Perhaps one day…” he murmured, letting his voice die away.

“Excuse me, Herr Hohenheim,” Hughes said abruptly, clicking his heels together and almost stalking across the room to Gracia.

“You’re excused, Officer,” Hohenheim said easily to no-one and watched as the tall man bowed and invited Gracia to dance. Al looked confused as his conversation was interrupted but smiled brightly when Gracia nodded her acceptance of Hughes’ invitation. Al walked over to stand by his father as Gracia and Hughes began to dance.

“What did you do?” Al asked in a low voice.

“Me? Nothing at all, my son. Nothing at all.” Hohenheim met his son’s sceptical look with a bland, almost innocent expression in his eyes. “Do you have a problem with it?”

“Not at all, Dad. Not at all.” They shared a conspiratorial smile before looking back at the others.

Roy stared at his discarded gloves as the rain fell. Water dripped from his hair and down his face. He barely felt it seeping through his coat and into his uniform. Plain white gloves and he couldn’t wear them. There were no arrays and he couldn’t bear to wear them because his mind saw the arrays that weren’t there. He didn’t want to kill them again, he didn’t want to see them burning from his flames and without his gloves he was useless. He was harmless. He was safe. They were safe.

The water from his face dripped onto his bare hands, tears and rain alike slipping onto his cold fingers. His hands weren’t shaking anymore. Now the gloves were gone they were still. Cold and empty and still. Like the rest of him. He had wished earlier for rain to drown in and his wish had been granted, but just as he had suspected, it wasn’t enough, it would never be enough to drown in. He had been in these places before. After Ishbal he had seen these grey shades, he knew what they were and he didn’t care now. They could come for him and take what little bit of soul he had left and he didn’t care.

“I shouldn’t have let Ed go alone,” he murmured at his hands. “I should have died that night.” A small miaow had him blinking against the wetness of his eye and he looked around to find the source of the sound.

The little cat was shivering as it huddled on the marble slab, an automail claw scratching at the stone. He was bedraggled and his golden brightness had been lost to the water that had soaked into his fur. Drops of water hung from his whiskers and even his ears were weighed down. The way the fur was plastered to him showed just how small and thin the little beast was and he shook as he tried to make a deeper mark in the marble.

“Little one,” Roy whispered and the cat miaowed back. “I’m sorry.” Roy inched forward on his knees to pick up the shivering cat and held it against him. Water soaked through the front of his coat and when the cat shook, so did he. He was aware of the rain falling but like everything else at the moment, it was distant and not really important enough for him to concentrate on. The cat shivered again and he simply held it closer as he looked at the engraved name and let the rain wash away his tears.

“Do you think we can remove one of these struts?” Alfons asked as he and Al looked over the drawings.

“Possibly, but we still need something there to brace that other beam. The tank will shift if we don’t.”

Pencils came out and they began sketching in the possible changes as they talked. Alfons concentrated better now, Al thought. Getting engaged had been the best thing for him and his good mood had flowed on to their project. Alfons worked harder and if he hurried some days, Al merely grinned and knew it was because he wanted to leave early to be with Noa.

Their first prototype was nearly completed. And Fraulein Eckhart had brought over new plans for an aircraft that combined some of their rocketry with established aircraft design. Both Al and Alfons had stayed up late going over them, adding and changing as they saw fit, much to Fraulein Eckhart’s amusement and Hohenheim’s misgivings.

“…saying he has a point, Herr Hohenheim.” Al looked up briefly as Officer Hughes came into the room with his father.

“Perhaps he does, Herr Hughes, but to me, he is lacking in facts to back it up. Pretty words alone won’t bring about changes.” There was a tiredness in his father’s voice and Al watched as the old man sat down, almost sinking into his chair. He knew his dad had been working on the arrays a lot lately. This evening his father and Office Hughes had gone to a political meeting at the closest beerhall and judging from their talk, dad was not that impressed. Al shrugged slightly. Politics was a strange unknown world and he had no wish to learn anything about it. Physics and math were all he wanted to think about.

Noa brought in coffee and served everyone as they kept on talking. Al half-listened along with Noa. Alfons was looking at the drawings, muttering weight ratios and completely uninterested in anything else.

“The Treaty reparations are to blame for a lot of the economic problems, Herr Hohenheim. There are rumours that we have already defaulted on the payments and it is said the French will take the Ruhr from us. The Reichstag can not give us what we should have. It doesn’t seem able to get us out of this pit.”

“Secret treaties, if they are correct in their information, are not the way to begin rebuilding a nation. It sets a precedent.” Hohenheim remarked. “And if it is now becoming no longer a secret, there is a real possibility of it being detrimental to everyone.”

“We will be left with nothing anyway, if we just accept that this state of affairs has to continue.”

“Change doesn’t have to be forced. It will come anyway, regardless of what happens.”

“But there are those that will deny us those changes and progress and will try everything to stop it.”

“And you believe that little man’s talk of Jewish conspiracies and Communist pressures?” Hohenheim asked, genuine curiousity in his voice.

“Yes,” Officer Hughes replied. “They seem little affected by the inflation that hurts the rest of us. There are many in my patrol area that can barely survive and even this new currency they’re talking of releasing won’t help them.”

“The Jews have always been a careful people,” Hohenheim said carefully.

“That may be, but they’re not willing to share. You never see any of them out helping the people who are really suffering. Fraulein Gracia is always giving more than she should to those less fortunate. If she can do it, why can’t they? What do they have to hide?”

Hohenheim didn’t let his sudden unease show on his face. He saw the signs. Xenophobia. There was a racial pride in the German people he had noticed. From their earliest days when they had held the Roman Empire at bay, they had also been fiercely independent. The reparations and loss of dignity forced on them after the Great War by the Allies rankled and they would be more than willing to find someone to blame. Hohenheim knew exactly how it would go. Native xenophobia would be manipulated and it would be hidden beneath jealousy at first. But later it would become fear. And then the inevitable result. Genocide.

Hohenheim was intimately acquainted with genocide, a long time ago he had engineered it, and he looked at Al. He would not allow his son to stay here and be a witness to it. He looked at Noa and saw her staring at Alfons. Hohenheim didn’t know if she had seen the threat to herself yet, but she would sympathise with anyone being persecuted. His lips tightened. He had to find a way to save Al, to save them all if he could.

Edward sneezed and huddled into the blanket. He felt absolutely miserable and he shivered again despite the warmth he was surrounded in. He didn’t know how long Roy had knelt in the rain yesterday but it had been long enough to give Ed the feline equivalent of the flu.

By the time they had gotten home yesterday, both had been frozen and soaked. Roy had lit the fire with matches and had sat in front of it for over an hour rubbing and trying to warm the little shivering cat. They had spent most of the night in front of it, barely moving except when the nightmares had struck and Roy had gone running to the bathroom. Ed hadn’t been able to follow.

He hadn’t been able to take four steps before he had collapsed and lain there wondering why his head felt as if it had left his body. He had lifted his paw with a vague thought of scratching his name in the floor, but he had found that his automail was suddenly very heavy and he seemed to have two right paws as well. It was about then that he realised he was feverish and he had slipped into a semi-conscious state of continual hot and cold flushes.

The next thing he knew he was in the office, wrapped in his blanket and being held against Roy’s chest.

“You should have stayed home, Sir.” The stern voice echoed in his ears and he opened a bleary eye and stared at an out of focus Hawkeye standing in front of the desk. “There’s really nothing you can do here, Roy,” she said in a gentler tone.

Ed felt Roy tense up. “I am perfectly capable of deciding what I can and can not do, Hawkeye.” Ed heard the echoing I am not useless behind his words. And so did Hawkeye he thought as he saw the flash of regret cross her face.

“Roy… this can all wait until tomorrow. Go home and …and take care of that cat. The poor thing’s sick.”

“I’m well aware of that, Hawkeye,” Roy said evenly as he eyed the small shivering beast in his arm. “But I will stay here.” There are too many nightmares waiting for me at home.

“You’re being stubborn, Roy,” Hawkeye said suddenly and he kept his expression neutral as he looked at her. He recognised the signs of worry and concern, but too many had died because of him and he wasn’t about to put another in the firing line.

“Enough.” He moderated his tone. “It’s okay, Riza. I…I appreciate your concern but you don’t need to worry. The little one and I will be fine here today. You go, and I will see you here tomorrow.” He paused. “I just need some time to think.” He kept his voice low and saw her stiffen slightly and it took a while before her nod of acceptance came. He knew her well. She’d rather he was here than closed up at home, where she couldn’t keep track of him.

“Very well, Roy.” She didn’t quite sigh and he nearly smiled at her restraint. He lowered his head for a brief moment and then lifted it to look straight at her.

“I really do appreciate your understanding, Riza.” He forced a smile out and tried to make it as real as possible. He knew it was hard to slip anything past Hawkeye, but if he didn’t make the effort now she would be watching him with that heavy intense gaze he could always feel.

She stared at him as he smiled at her. It was a small smile, but it was a smile, and she smiled back. There were shadows under his eye and he was pale. But sitting there, holding that cat in such a protective manner and smiling at her, he didn’t appear to be the same unfeeling unresponsive man he had been ever since the news had come. She had seen him after Ishbal and knew that somehow Maes Hughes had brought him out of the depression that had surrounded him back then. This time it was her turn and she intended to do just that. A smile was a good start, she thought.

Roy watched as she left, the smile disappearing and he felt his face ache slightly from it. He sighed and looked down at the cat. It blinked at him and he could feel the shivers that racked the little thing. He stroked a bare finger over the fur between the small ears before cupping his hand at the back of the small golden head.

For a moment Ed blearily thought Roy was going to say something but nothing came out and Ed shivered and sneezed again, dropping into a restless sleep as Roy spent the hours staring blankly at the opposite wall.

Roy’s eye was almost empty when Izumi Curtis entered his office. She stared at the silent man and the sleeping cat he held. She knew that look and felt an unwilling pang of sympathy for him. No matter the choices he had made, no matter how despicable they might appear to her, he was still just a man. And he had not become the unfeeling dog like so many had. Her stupid apprentices had been more lucky than they deserved in having an officer like him to look after them, she thought.

Her gaze sharpened on the cat. There was something strange about that little animal. When that golden eye had stared at her the other day she had felt the hairs on the back of her neck lift. Her fingers had tingled as she had stroked it. The colour of it was so reminiscent of Edward and yet it wasn’t a chimera. It was all cat, there was no signs of it being combined with any other species. But it behaved and reacted with a level of intelligence she had never seen in a cat before. It seemed fairly obvious to her that it had been caught up in whatever had occurred to the Elrics. There were no signs it was a soul attachment as Al had been or even a homunculus, although she had never heard of anyone trying to bring an animal back. The automail suggested it had been cared for by someone it its past. How Al had ended up with it was probably going to be a mystery forever now.

She cleared her throat and the dark head turned slowly in her direction, a brief glimmer of life appeared in the single eye and he stood up carefully, keeping the cat close to him.

“Mrs Curtis. Please, come in and have a seat.”

“Your cat is sick?”

“Yes, a cold I think.”

His voice was polite and he was trying to keep his masks in place. He was doing a good job of it too, she acknowledged. He began to step around his desk but she walked over and stood in front of him.

“I’m not here for long. Just to say goodbye. We’re leaving on this afternoon’s train.”

“I’m sorry to have met you under these circumstances, but I know the boys would have thanked you for coming.”

“I know. They wouldn’t have dared otherwise.” She looked at him. “I would tell you that they’d say it wasn’t your fault, but you wouldn’t believe me or even them if they were here. So I will merely say what I always told them. Life only goes one way.”

They stared at each other for a long moment before Roy spoke. “I’m glad you were their Teacher.”

She gave him a crooked smile in return and looked at the small cat. “Take good care of him.”

Roy nodded as the cat sneezed in his sleep. “I will.”

“I’m taking the Rockbell girl and that Rose with me. We’ll see that they’re taken care of for the moment.” She studied him one last time. “Don’t you do anything stupid, dog.”

A genuine smile flitted across Roy’s face and he bowed slightly. “Safe trip Teacher,” he said as he straightened up. She nodded her head in acknowledgement and left the office in her brisk manner and Roy sat back down in his chair.

Life only goes one way. He knew that one already. But he had never been able to accept it.

It took Ed two days before he was able to start thinking again clearly and for the fever to disappear, but he was struck by such an aching lethargy that he could barely move his tail let alone anything else. He was more than content to stay in his blanket and get carried around everywhere. He still sneezed and Roy had taken him to the vet. He had been too lethargic to do more than hiss his objections when the vet had taken his temperature and given him an injection. The only good news was that it should only take a week before he was all better again, so he took advantage of it when he could.

Roy rarely put him down and he spent the next two days curled up on the man’s lap as Roy did his paperwork. Roy had organised a meal sent up from the mess and although Ed was hungry, he was unable to eat much. He spent most of the time sleeping, he was just too tired and he ached when he moved.

The only time he wanted to move was when Roy went running from bed to bathroom in the middle of the night. He had tried and fallen from the bed to land in an ignominious heap on the floor, and had barely managed to drag himself to the bathroom door before Roy had reappeared. He had been scooped up and they had spent the night on the couch.

It took Ed a few days to realise it, but Roy never wore gloves unless he had to. He knew there was a plain white pair in the desk drawer and he had seen Roy wear them once, when he had been summoned to General Ashlen’s office.

Ed almost liked General Ashlen. The man was more trustworthy than Cresson, and he spoke bluntly. And he had had no objection to Mustang standing there, sick cat in his arms, as they had discussed the increasing tension in Liore. Many of the citizens wanted to move away and were demanding to be relocated. Several opposition groups had been formed and were trying to get support from the Parliament to have the Military removed from the region.

General Cresson was all for abandoning Liore, but Ashlen felt it should be rebuilt for those who wanted to remain. And that the Military had a duty to aid in the rebuilding as they had been the major cause of that damage in the first place.

Ed missed not being able to get to the mess for lunch. He had no way to hear the latest news and gossip. Hearing Ashlen talk made him aware that there was no doubt more to it, and he couldn’t find out because he was unable to stand up for more than two minutes before his legs gave way. The sooner he got better, the happier he would be.

He had made his mind up on something else as well. When he regained his strength he was going to find a way to tell Roy he was here, even as he knew it could have serious repercussions and hoping that Roy wouldn’t think it was all a bad dream. These last few days had seen a change in Roy’s behaviour that Ed recognised. Roy was letting the depression beat him and Ed didn’t like that.

When they got home, Roy would feed him and then sit on the couch until it was time for bed. He stared at nothing, he did nothing and Ed could almost see the grey fog that Roy was starting to live in. He didn’t know what else he could do that would prise the man out of those shadows.

Envy ducked around another corner and sighed. The patrols were still tight. Why weren’t they getting complacent yet? He wanted to leave here. He scratched at his arm. This was becoming annoying. It had been five days since the funerals and he had been hoping for some laxness to appear.

Civilians kept clamouring to leave and some were shouting for help rebuilding. Envy didn’t care, all he wanted was out and unfortunately the large scale transmutation that Scar had done months ago had cut through the tunnels leading out into the desert. Envy didn’t want to start making his own tunnels. He wanted something quick and easy. But with the two factions keeping things unstable in the city, the Military wasn’t slacking off yet and he was getting impatient.

He slowly sauntered back away from the city perimeter. It was going to take timing but it should be possible to slip out between two patrols. It would mean they’d have to drop and hide every fifteen minutes to avoid being spotted by the other patrols until they were far enough away. Wrath was being complacent at the moment, although terrified was probably a more accurate description of his feelings towards him. He wished he knew just what Wrath had seen that had caused these damned scales. He scratched at them again, pulling his sleeve up for a brief look. They shimmered in the light.

“What’s that?”

Envy looked up, pulling his sleeve down as he saw the blue uniform approaching him. Shit. He looked around quickly. Just the one soldier. A blond with dark blue eyes and a simple expression on his slightly round face. Envy had his hood up and debated rapidly whether to stay and bluff his way out or to run. He turned and headed for the nearest alley. The footsteps behind him changed and the soldier began running after him.

“Stop! I’m not going to hurt you, kid!”

Envy nearly laughed. The soldier was gravely mistaken there. The only one who could possibly get hurt was that blue-clad idiot. Envy grinned as he headed along the alley. It had been a long time since he had run like this, it was almost fun. He still had his speed and he used it as he widened the gap between them, leaping over a barrel with a graceful movement that had his hood falling from his head.

Blond hair suddenly appeared on the boy he was chasing and the soldier caught a glimpse of a profile as the kid looked behind him. He nearly tripped over his own feet as he stared at the image in front of him, and skidding to a stop.

“Elric?” His shocked gasp caused the boy in front of him to pause and the blond head tilted slightly before he turned around. The blond began to walk back and the soldier saw the face he had seen in a drawing and in the paper.

“Al…Alphonse?”

The youth’s lips twisted into a teasing grin. “Yes.” Envy walked closer watching the soldier’s face go pale.

“You’re supposed to be dead! Where’s Ed?” The man sounded almost hysterical and Envy grinned. Now this looked like fun he thought.

“Ed? You know my brother?” A thin eyebrow rose.

“I knew you both back in Central.” The blond man stared at the youth now standing in front of him. “Don’t you remember me?”

“No,” Envy replied carelessly. “But it doesn’t matter.” Envy smiled, and then stepped forward, swinging to kick the man in the stomach, chopping his arm down hard across the back of the man’s neck as he doubled over. The soldier fell to his knees and Envy waited until he looked up. When he did Envy kicked him in the face and he toppled over backwards. The Sin jumped and landed, knees first on the man’s chest, hearing the satisfying crunch of ribs breaking. Envy leant forward and watched the blood bubbling at the side of the soldier’s mouth.

“Actually the little Fullmetal brat is dead. You see, I killed him and his brother too.” He listened as the soldier tried to speak but only more blood came from his mouth and Envy settled his weight more firmly on the broken ribs. He lifted up and then dropped down again. The soldier spat blood at him and Envy’s face darkened. Elric had done the same thing and Envy had not forgotten that. He leant forward and gripped the blond hair pulling the soldier’s head upwards. He cupped the blond’s chin with his other hand and twisted with a quick movement until he heard the loud crack of the man’s neck breaking. He let go of the chin and shook the hand that still held the blond hair. The head moved loosely as the eyes went dim. Envy watched the last involuntary muscle movements with a satisfied smile before he let the head drop onto the ground and stood up.

He straightened his robes out and pulled his hood up before walking away without looking back.

“Why didn’t you try and stop him, Sir?” Hawkeye asked as Roy stared at the silver watch on his desk. The man who had left it there had gone and Roy felt empty.

“Because he doesn’t want to be here, Hawkeye.” The cat in his arms looked from one to the other and then stared at the watch as well. “We knew Alex was going to resign.”

“But after what happened to Edward and Alphonse, to just walk away? How could he do that?” Hawkeye protested. She didn’t like the almost resigned look on Roy’s face. She had been seeing it more often these last couple of days and it worried her. He was slipping away somehow and she couldn’t find a way to bring him back. She watched as his fingers reached out and lightly touched the watch. Bare hands. Although he had smiled several times this week, she had come to see how empty they were. They never reached his eye and he used them almost as an afterthought, as if it was expected of him.

And now Major Alex Armstrong had come in and offered up his watch and resignation and Roy had accepted it without even questioning it. He had even told Alex to go to see General Ashlen and enquire about helping out in a civilian capacity in Liore.

“You can’t let him walk away, Roy.” She spoke firmly and he looked up at her.

“I will not force him to stay when he clearly does not want to be here.” His voice sounded equally firm but it lacked the strength she always associated with him.

“Duty doesn’t require us to like it,” she replied.

“Duty, my dear First Lieutenant, is exactly why we are here in this situation right now,” Roy stated clearly and with a definite sneer in his voice. She stared at him. He hadn’t let his disillusion out so openly in a long time. She took a deep breath.

“Roy, you can’t just stop because things didn’t turn out the way you… I… we hoped.” Riza stood there, her hands suddenly feeling cold.

The dark eye looked at her and his lip curled slightly, a sardonic twist breaking through. “What do you suggest, Riza? That I should call Alex back and plan to take over the Parliament, or try again for an empty and meaningless position that no longer exists?” The cat in his arms shifted uneasily as she frowned at the bitter edge of his words. “How many more shall we sacrifice? Or don’t you feel any of the guilt that comes from failing?”

“That’s harsh. You are not to blame for what happened to Edward and Alphonse.”

Roy didn’t look away. “But I am and I wonder why you can’t see that. Does serving so faithfully blind you to responsibility?”

“I have always served you, Roy. I have done everything I could for you.”

“And in the end you failed.” Riza Hawkeye went white and swayed as his words cut through her.

Havoc came running into the office before Roy could continue.

“From Liore.” He panted as he threw a piece of paper on the desk. “Denny Brosh has been killed.”

-

Reichstag: The building which was the seat of the parliament of the Weimar Republic (1919–1933). Reichstag was used to refer to the actual parliament.

In 1922, Germany signed a treaty - the Treaty of Rapallo - with Russia, to find a way around the enforced disarmament of the Versailles Treaty.

By 1923, the Republic claimed it could no longer afford reparations payments and defaulted on some payments. In response, French and Belgian troops occupied the Ruhr, Germany’s most industrialised and profitable region.

The value of the Papiermark had declined from 4.2 per US dollar at the outbreak of World War I to 1 million per US dollar by August 1923. On 15 November 1923 the Rentenmark, was introduced at the rate of 1 trillion Papiermark for 1 Rentenmark. At that time, 1 U.S. dollar was equal to 4.2 Rentenmark. Releasing the Rentenmark did actually help control the hyperinflation at the time and things began to stabilise for the next few years.

Author’s Note: Thank you for being patient with my little one and I’m sorry for inundating you with all the facts above… I have taken liberties with the dates above and brought the events forward to occur before Hitler’s BeerHall Putsch of 9 November 1923, and given them a more public awareness than they had at the time…

--

To Chapter 14: ( “I don’t know.” Hawkeye’s reply was hushed. “But his reaction just now…” her voice trailed off. “It scares me.” Havoc blinked. He had never expected to hear those words from her. Nothing scared Riza Hawkeye. “He left without saying anything and he didn’t take the cat or his gloves. Tell me that doesn’t scare you.”